Are you in or thinking about getting a divorce? I came across a dreadful book in a thrift store once that I picked up to remind me of some of the worst misconceptions and unethical practices about “doing” a divorce. Those misconceptions and practices affect you and your loved ones coming through it well. The book, Divorce War! lists “50 strategies every woman needs to know to win.” I’ll review all 50 in the blog posts under the category “50 Ways How NOT To Leave Your Lover”. And, by the way, disregard the “every woman” idea of that book– if you are in a divorce you are under stress, and you want to know how to handle conflict and the divorce process better, regardless of your gender.

Simply put, the book defines an uncritical aggressive approach to handling a divorce, even though increased aggression often (usually?) results in decreased effectiveness and longterm satisfaction. It may also destroy relationship between your children and their other parent, and that harms children. It reminds me of an oxymoranic attorney website I saw once. It announced, first, its “aggressive divorce and custody representation,” while, with almost the same breath, it offered mediation among its services.